Fuck The Doom-Filled Void

Today is day two of me being back to unemployed. Friday was my last day of a three-month gig working in development for a production pod at CBS. It was a whirlwind experience, during which I learned a shit ton, not just about the business, but about myself, as well.

During this temporary tenure, I made a commitment not to go backward and start taking temp assignments again as an executive assistant, after spending three months working in development. I am hell-bent on moving forward.

I awoke this morning to a familiar sense of doom in which my thought pattern goes something like this: What if nothing changes? What if I never “break through” with my writing? How will I make money? What if I have to go back? What am I going to do? Nothing’s happening. I am delusional to believe it’s going to be different this time around.

Making coffee in the kitchen, I caught myself mid-cycle of doom and changed my thoughts to this: What can I do differently?  

This is what I’ve come up with: My days, for the past few months, were consumed by a fast learning curve and then the hustle and bustle of a busy development season. Now, with no set task to fill the hours of my days, I am experiencing a void. My mind is scrambling to fill this space, this uncomfortable void, falling back into my traditional cycle of doom to do just that.

WAIT!!  What if I refuse to fill the void with doom?

By nature, something, one way or another, is going to fill this void. Right? I mean, think about it: something always happens. I’m not saying that I should set about with a bunch of magical thinking and envisioning miracles and magic, but, what if I simply refuse to fill my void with doom? What if I am simply cool with what IS right now and use my energy to explore areas that do inspire me, like writing this blog…updating my website…taking inventory of all the wonderfulness that has occurred and all the stars that have aligned opposed to the ones that have not …

At the very least it is a fascinating experiment in quantum physics. And, just like that, I am back in science class. 

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